


Letters from College

by shewalksonstarlight



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, a lot of drama, dear dad letters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-03-17 04:59:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13651917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shewalksonstarlight/pseuds/shewalksonstarlight
Summary: College au. The gang navigates through midterms, finals, and relationship drama. I'm really sorry but I suck at summaries. Please give it a chance.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own M*AS*H.  
> Please read and review!

_Dear Dad,_  
_I realize that I’ve only been away from home for a handful of weeks but my sophomore year of college is already in full swing. I apologize for taking so long to write but my homework is piling up and my friends are at each other’s throats. I’ll expand more on that later.  
I’m not roommates with Trapper anymore. We got in too much trouble last year and Trapper got put in a dorm with none other than Charles Winchester. I suppose that’s better than sharing a dorm with Frank Burns. Charles is the one who has a very high opinion of himself because his family has money. I have a new roommate by the name of BJ Hunnicutt. He seems like a nice enough guy. Trapper and I have breakfast with BJ and his girlfriend, Peg. _

Hawkeye put his pen down and tried to be a part of the conversation. Trapper was in a tizzy about something.  
“He plays this classical music ALL THE TIME! He actually brought a record player with him! Who still has one of those things?” He exclaimed. Hawkeye pursed his lips together to stop himself from laughing out loud.  
“How did you get graced with the presence of Charles? Why didn’t his parents pay for an apartment off campus? Isn’t he degrading himself by living amongst us lowlifes?” Pierce asked.  
“His parents thought it would be good for him to socialize with us common folk.” Trapper replied.  
“How good of them.” BJ deadpanned. 

_Although I miss rooming with him, there are some aspects of living with Trapper that I don’t miss. For instance, Trapper and Louise are still going steady. They’re still steadily arguing, steadily breaking up, and steadily making up. It seems like they’re breaking up and making up at a more rapid pace. I’m surprised neither of them have whiplash because I think I’m starting to get it just from watching them. At this rate, they’re either going to get married or have the ugliest breakup in history._  
_Frank and Margaret are still seeing each other. They’ve really lost their edge when it comes to sneaking around, though. I caught them in the library in one of the back sections. If they keep it up, Frank’s girlfriend will surely find out about them._  
_Oddly enough, I’ve never actually seen Louise. Frank’s Louise, that is. I’m starting to think that he made her up just so that his own life would be more interesting. I don’t know what Margaret sees in him._

“Do you mind if we sit here?” Margaret asked. No one said anything. Hawkeye gestured for them to sit down.  
“What is that?” Frank asked, gesturing towards Hawkeye’s pen and paper.  
“It’s a pen and paper. I know you haven’t seen any because the only studying you do is of Margaret’s body, but I assure you that we students still use them.” Hawkeye replied. A scarlet hue covered both Frank and Margaret’s faces.  
“How dare you!” They exclaimed simultaneously. 

_A little more on the rest of the group before I go. I haven’t said much about my new roommate BJ or his girlfriend, Peg. BJ is also in premed. He’s fairly laidback but fortunately, he’s always up for a good prank especially if it involves Frank. Peg is a sweetheart. She’s going for early childhood education and she’s going to be perfect for the job. Peg and Margaret are roommates. It seems unlikely but they get along fairly well.  
We seem to have adopted a few freshman into our ever-growing circle. Walter O’Reilly is a sweet kid. He looks like he should still be in junior high. Next is Maxwell Klinger. I can’t seem to tell if he actually wants to be here or if his parents are forcing him. I’m leaning towards him wanting to be here but he’s unsure of his major. Last but not least, Francis Mulcahy. This was an unexpected addition to the group. He’s a Christian studies major. The kicker is that he’s on the wrestling team and he’s damn good. Alright dad, I got to get back to homework. _

__

_Love,  
Hawkeye_


	2. Chapter 2

_Dear Dad,_

_It’s been about a month since I last wrote you and everything is still moving at full speed. Remember in my last letter when I told you that my friends were at each other’s throats? I’m going to get into that a little more in this letter. It all started around the time I sent my last letter. I knew something was wrong when Charles came and found me. He usually doesn’t talk to me unless he’s required to and even then there’s no guarantee._

Hawkeye had been studying in the library. He had two different books open and was trying, albeit not successfully, to take notes from both of them. Walter, who revealed that he liked to be called Radar, was studying with him. However, Radar took a more practical approach to his studies.  
“I know you prefer to be called Radar but can I ask why?” Hawkeye questioned, as he finished a section of notes.   
“Well, uh, sometimes I know somethings going to happen before it does. It’s not always cut and dry. I can tell that Louise is up to something but I can’t tell what.” Radar explained. Hawkeye smiled. This kid was absolutely adorable like the little brother he always wanted.   
“How do you know Louise is up to something?” Hawkeye probed. He wasn’t sure he believed in ESP but he was open to the idea. Radar seemed to be very perceptive.   
“Well, um, Louise shares a dorm with my girl, Mia. I’ve only spoken to her a couple of times but something seems off. Maybe it’s just that I don’t like the way she talks to Mia.” Radar trailed off.   
“How does Louise talk to her?” Hawkeye prodded.   
“I don’t know! Like she’s better than Mia, I guess. It’s not like she’s outright rude but you can tell that there’s some kind of insult hidden in what she says, you know?” Radar stated. Hawkeye nodded. He knew all too well. They went back to studying.   
Hawkeye thought about all the times that Louise had talked to him that way. He often brushed it off with a joke or a snide comment of his own. For Trapper’s sake, he tried to be as civil as possible with her. He soon shifted his focus back to his studying. The attempt to study was short-lived. He heard the chair across from him being pulled out and someone sitting down. He didn’t want to look up and risk losing what little concentration he had managed to attain. Charles cleared his throat.   
“What?” Hawkeye asked in an absent tone. He hadn’t even looked up. He could tell it was Charles by the wave of self-righteousness that wafted around the table as soon as the other man sat down.   
“It’s about McIntyre.” Charles clarified. He sounded uncomfortable. Hawkeye sighed in annoyance and looked up at Charles. Radar looked uncomfortable as if he wasn’t sure how to act around Charles.  
“What about him?” Pierce asked. Charles looked as uncomfortable as Radar. It was like he didn’t want to be talking to Pierce but was obligated to.   
“I think he’s…broken and, seeing as you’re his best friend, I thought maybe you could fix him.” Charles explained.   
“What do you mean you think he’s broken?” Pierce demanded.   
“Well, uh, he came back to the dorm all sad looking and…I think you better just see for yourself.” Charles suggested.   
_Although Charles and I have had our differences, he really isn’t that bad of a guy. He might be pompous and arrogant but his heart is in the right place. He usually does the right thing. He didn’t have to come find Radar and myself. He could’ve shrugged off Trapper’s depressed state and declared it not his problem. So, although we may not see eye to eye on most things, I appreciate that we can agree on what the stuff that really matters._

The walk back to the dorm seemed to take forever and Charles glanced off every question that Pierce had. When they had finally reached their destination, they had found Trapper lying face down on his bed.  
“Go away.” He said, his tone dripping with defeat. Hawkeye had never seen his best friend like this.   
“Trapper, what’s wrong?” Pierce asked, his tone soft. Trapper looked up at his friend. His eyes were puffy and red like he’d been crying. Hawkeye sat down on the edge of the bed.   
“Louise and I broke up.” He stated. Hawkeye sighed.   
“Not to be insensitive, but you break up every twelve hours.” Hawkeye pointed out.   
“For good this time.” Trapper said in a determined voice.  
“What makes you so sure?” Hawkeye asked. Trapper shifted uncomfortably which didn’t go unnoticed by anyone else in the room.   
“What did she do?” Radar asked, in barely a whisper.   
“She’s dating Frank Burns.” Trapper whispered. The group sat in shock trying to process this new information.   
“She’s dating ferret face? Wait, wait, your Louise is Frank’s Louise? Does Margaret know that Frank’s Louise is your Louise? My god, you guys are all secretly dating each other.” Hawkeye said. Trapper let out a small laugh and sat up.  
“Shut up. No, we aren’t. I wouldn’t be caught dead with Frank.” Trapper stated firmly. Hawkeye slung an arm around his friend’s shoulder and Trapper leaned in to rest his head on Pierce’s shoulder.   
“I bet Mia wouldn’t mind if you guys played one of your practical jokes on Louise in their dorm.” Radar suggested. Trapper smiled.  
“Thanks, kid, but I don’t think that’ll be necessary. I’ll let you know if I change my mind though.” Trapper stated. Radar nodded. There was a lull in the room.   
“I’m sorry. It sucks to be cheated on and it sucks more that she chose ferret face.” Hawkeye consoled. He wrapped his other arm around Trapper. Trapper wrapped his arms around Hawkeye’s torso.   
“I knew she was seeing someone else. That’s what most of our fights were about. Well, that and she never wanted to talk about the future. We were just accusing each other of cheating. I caught them in her dorm. She wasn’t even trying to hide anything or apologize. She knew I was coming over too. I texted her this morning.” Trapper said, his voice cracking.   
“C’mon, let’s go back to my dorm.” Hawkeye suggested. Trapper nodded and they both got up and started walking.   
_I thought the hard part was going to be helping Trapper through his break up. I was way off base. The worst part was helping Trapper AND Margaret through their respective break ups. Luckily, I have the help of the rest of the group. I really couldn’t ask for a better group of friends._  
They decided that a movie night was in order. It was close to Halloween so they decided on Beetlejuice, Hocus Pocus, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show. The last one, for some reason, always seemed to cheer Trapper up. Hawkeye couldn’t bear to say to no to his best friend.   
They had set up a myriad of pillows and blankets. Peg and BJ were cuddled up on one side of the makeshift bed. Hawkeye had Trapper and Margaret on either side of him. In the middle were Frances, Maxwell, and Radar. They started with Rocky Horror and Hawkeye was just glad to see Trapper smile. It warmed his heart. As he sat back, he realized how grateful he was for his friends. They were an odd group but they were becoming a family.

_I hope to write to you soon, but I can’t guarantee anything with all the insanity that is college._  
Much love,  
Hawkeye 


	3. Chapter Three

_Dear Dad,_   
_I don’t know what day it is or what year it is. I think it’s close to Halloween but I haven’t slept much in the past few weeks. The sheer amount of diseases I’ve learned about including, but not limited to, neuropraxia and schistosomiasis are keeping me up at night. When I last wrote, there were a lot of breakups going on; Trapper and Louise, Frank and Margaret, and me with my sanity._

BJ and Hawkeye’s dorm had become somewhat of a safe haven. A place where their friends came to vent or find comfort. Margaret and Trapper were the most frequent visitors. One night Trapper asked if he could sleepover because he didn’t want to be alone. Of course, he wouldn’t really be alone but he wasn’t comfortable enough around Charles to show that much emotion. Depending on the night, Hawkeye was either sharing his bed with Trapper or he was sharing a bed with BJ.   
Margaret stopped by most days after class to study so she wouldn’t have to risk running into Frank or Louise in the library. In an attempt to help her friend, Peg started going to the library beforehand to grab any books they might need and then heading to the dorm. BJ and Hawkeye never asked why Margaret didn’t just go to her own dorm.   
Radar and Maxwell, who insisted they call him Klinger, started spending more time with them in general. Frank had started going out of his way to pick on them. It was only fair that they help their friends get even. One night, they had snuck into Frank’s dorm and put raw eggs in his sneakers. Another, they rigged a bucket of water to fall on him as he entered.   
After about a week, Trapper had felt comfortable enough to sleep in his own dorm again. So naturally, that’s when Margaret seemed to hit her lowest since the breakup.   
“What does she have that I don’t?” Margaret demanded. She had barged into their dorm almost in tears and alarmed them. Both men tripped over their words to try and comfort their friend.  
“Oh come on, Margaret, don’t do this to yourself.” Hawkeye begged. He hated seeing her like this. She was usually so sure of herself. A part of him wanted so badly to help her but he wasn’t sure how.   
“I’m serious, why would he choose her over me?” Margaret questioned.   
“I don’t know! Probably because she has money and he has no spine!” Hawkeye suggested.  
“Exactly! It probably has nothing to do with you. You were just…collateral.” BJ offered. Margaret didn’t seem to like that suggestion and stormed out.   
_Margaret confronted Frank and Louise in the cafeteria. Frank couldn’t seem to form a coherent sentence. Louise just looked smug until Trapper joined in demanding answers. Unfortunately, neither Margaret nor Trapper got the answers they were looking for. Louise just grabbed Frank by the arm and stormed out of the cafeteria. I think that happened last week but as I mentioned, I have no sense of time lately._

Hawkeye and BJ had been napping before their afternoon class. The door slammed causing them both to wake up.   
“Doesn’t anybody knock anymore?” BJ complained. Neither of them had opened their eyes yet to see who had barged in. They knew it had to be one of two people.   
“Maybe we should start locking our door.” Hawkeye suggested. He shoved his face into the pillow refusing to look up at whoever was disturbing his sleep but he could feel BJ sitting up. BJ nudged Hawkeye who initially protested, but also sat up to see what was going on. It was Trapper. He just stood there; his jaw clenched, chest heaving, and looking like he was trying to pull himself together. Trapper hadn’t said a word. He just handed them a piece of paper. 

_Dear John,_

_I’ve been counting the days since you left me. I spend every moment remembering what we had and the mistakes we made along the way. It all feels so much colder without you by my side. I find my mind wandering between what was and what could have been._  
_Remember when we met in biology? You couldn’t take your eyes off me and you insisted on being my partner. I was so surprised that a guy who could charm the pants off a girl with just a smile would even give me the time of day. You made me feel like I was worth more than diamonds and gold. I was hooked from that first conversation and we weren’t even talking about anything special. We were inseparable until these past few months._  
 _Margaret and Peg stopped talking to me. I’m still not sure I understand why. I thought they were my friends but I suppose they were just pretending to be for your sake. I think Margaret’s words hurt me the most. She told me that she couldn’t understand why I chose to do this to you. I didn’t choose this._  
 _The pain is unreal, John. There’s a tightness in my chest like I can’t exhale. I wonder if you will come back to me and take the hurt away. I promise that things will be better this time. I will be better this time. Why would I give up the future we planned? We were going to Paris. You assured me that we could get married there. We even talked about one day having children. We agreed on two. Why would I throw all of that away?_  
 _Please give me one more chance. Give us one more chance._  
 _Love always,_  
 _Louise_

Hawkeye and BJ read through the letter from Louise. For once, Hawkeye was speechless.   
“I wonder if Margaret got a letter from Frank.” BJ said. His tone was solemn.   
Trapper sat down on the opposite bed. He put his head in his hands. After a moment, he sat up and ran his fingers through his hair.   
“I just want this to be over. I want her to leave me alone so I can move on.” Trap said. Hawkeye felt a twinge of pride. In the past, Trapper would have just taken her back.   
“So tell her that.” Hawkeye replied.   
_And he did, Dad. I don’t know what he said to her but she hasn’t bothered him since. He can finally move on._  
 _Love always,_  
 _Hawkeye_


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is written in Trapper's POV

_Dear Dad,_  
 _I hope everything is going well at home. I wanted to apologize again for not making it home for Thanksgiving. I had a lot of studying to do. I was trying to keep my grades up ~~because college is so expensive and I don’t want to waste this opportunity~~. Your last letter was ~~hard to read~~ honest and insightful. _  
Trapper looked at the mess of a letter that he was trying to write to his father. He wanted to keep his feelings honest but he also didn’t want to anger his father any more than he already had. He crumpled up the letter and threw it in the waste basket with the previous drafts. There was a quick rap at the door. Trapper looked over to see Hawkeye as he entered the room. He always got a warm feeling when Hawkeye was in the room. It had to do with how Hawkeye presented himself. He was a warm and welcoming person. That’s how he was raised.   
He envied his best friend. Hawkeye had parents who loved him unconditionally. He had a relationship with his father that was honest and unrestrained. He had a father who was willing to listen to him and let Hawkeye be himself. Trapper couldn’t even write a lousy apology letter without editing and rewriting it three or four times. He wanted to be honest about his feelings but he censored himself so much. Trapper wanted a father like Hawkeye’s. He wanted a father that didn’t get angry at a difference of opinion or tear him a new one for missing a holiday to focus on school. Trapper’s father loved him or, at least, he hoped his father loved him. He wouldn’t criticize if he didn’t care. That’s what Trapper told himself. His father just had a tendency of trying to live vicariously through him which could get frustrating. With that being said, Trapper realized that he couldn’t change who his parents were. He was still going to try and preserve as much of his relationship with his parents as he could manage.   
Hawkeye raised his eyebrows and pointed to the waste basket full of crumpled pieces of paper.   
“What did your father say this time?” Hawkeye asked. Trapper leaned back in his chair and ran his hands through his hair.   
“Oh, you know, just that I’m a terrible child for missing Thanksgiving and it’s probably your fault because you’re a deviant who’s leading me into temptation.” Trapper stated, shooting Hawkeye his signature smile.   
“I don’t know why your father doesn’t like me. Everyone else tells me that I’m charming.” Hawkeye replied. He winked at Trapper and Trap hoped that his friend didn’t notice that blush that threatened to creep up. He had spending so much time around Hawkeye that his friends charms were starting to have an effect on him.   
“You know exactly why he doesn’t like you. He’s uncomfortable with you being bisexual.” Trapper reminded. Hawkeye sat on the edge of the bed. His face held a look of concern and discomfort as if he was choosing his next words wisely.   
“I get that. I mean, I know that’s the reason, but I don’t understand it. I know he blames it on religion saying that the bible states homosexuality is unnatural. What’s unnatural is assuming that we know what God thinks. Not to mention, BJ and Peg’s parents are religious and they accepted me just fine.” Hawkeye said.   
A silence fell over them. There was so much more to be said but so much uncertainty about whether or not it should be said. Should he tell Hawkeye why he was having so much trouble writing this letter? Should he go into detail about what his father had said? The silence must have gone on too long.   
“What else did he say?” Hawkeye questioned.   
“He called me a burden and told me not to bother coming home for Christmas. A burden. The one word I have tried so hard to distance myself from. I’ve done everything I could to be the exact opposite of a burden. I’ve learned to take care of myself as well as others. I’m constantly trying to improve myself so that others will enjoy my company. I try so hard to be complimentary to those around me that whenever someone tells me that I’m less than perfect, I feel exactly like a burden. I often have to remind myself that mistakes are okay and that I’m not a burden but there are those special people who go out of their way to make sure that I feel like one. I hate those people.” Trapper stated. He was trying so hard to hold himself together. He could feel the tears stinging and threatening to fall.   
“I know.” Hawkeye replied, pulling the chair closer so that he could hug his friend.   
“No. You don’t know. You’re family built you up while mine tore me down. Do you know what that’s like? Constantly begging for approval? I could do everything right and I’d still be raked over the coals by my father for the one thing I didn’t do.” Trapper wept.   
“I’m sorry.” Hawkeye said. Trapper took a deep breath and tried to steady himself.   
“Me too. It’s not your fault that my parents are terrible. This year sucks, you know? I got cheated on and my parents want nothing to do with me. What am I going to do? What’s the point of it all?” Trapper asked. He felt Hawkeye pull him closer. He relished the affection. At least he had one person who cared about him.   
“You keep going. Look, you may not have the support of your biological family but you’ve got me and BJ and Margaret and Peg. We’ve even added Radar and Klinger and Francis to our collection of misfits. I’m sure even Charles is to some degree a part of this family, much to his chagrin. Not to mention, my parents love you and you’re welcome at our house anytime. I bet they’d even let you move in.” Hawkeye suggested. Trapper rolled his eyes and a smile played on his lips.   
“He’s not going to let me move in. He might tell me a story that’s supposed to help me get through this but I don’t think he’s going to agree with me cutting ties with my family.” Trapper replied. He reluctantly pulled away from the hug and sat next to his best friend. He laid his head on Hawkeye’s shoulder.   
“I bet you anything that he would let you move in. As for the story, isn’t that life? You are the character not ready for the impending disaster coming your way but somehow you manage to survive. You find something within yourself that wants to keep moving and keep living and you fight. You fight whatever darkness you may be facing that day. Whether it’s getting out of bed or removing toxic people from your life, you are still fighting. That’s why people write and share stories, isn’t it? Stories are an exaggerated form of hope. We write them so that others can know that there is a light in this darkness but only if you are willing to search and fight for it.” Hawkeye said and placed a hand on Trapper’s knee. 

“You know, I want to believe that. I want to believe that things are going to get better. I just can’t see how. As a joke, I started asking the universe for signs and sometimes I would get an answer.” Trapper said.  
“What did you ask?” Hawkeye questioned.   
“I was feeling pretty low so I asked if Louise really loved me or some other things to that affect. I was never sure if the universe was actually giving me signs or if I was telling myself what I wanted to hear.” Trapper replied. 

“That’s the problem with asking the universe for a sign. Sometimes you aren’t sure that it is a sign. Even if you are very specific about a sign, you can’t help but wonder if it’s a coincidence. A happy accident, if you will. In order to believe that the universe can even give you signs, you have to have unwavering faith in the universe. You have to trust that there’s something bigger than yourself out there that’s watching out for everyone. That’s a lot of faith to put into something that may not even be there. You have to ask yourself if it’s worth the risk and the answer has to undoubtedly be yes.” Hawkeye stated.   
“When did you get so smart?” Trapper joked. In all honesty, Trapper could listen to his best friend talk forever. He tried to think of more ways to keep the conversation going. He wanted to stay tangled up like this with Hawkeye. It was in this moment that Trapper admitted to himself that he had a crush on Hawkeye and that thought terrified him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of alcohol

Trapper’s POV   
Christmas was inching closer and Trapper was spending the holiday season in denial. More accurately, he was denying that he was in denial because there was nothing to deny. He had found that the thing that he definitely was not in denial about was causing him to be more productive than ever. His half of the dorm was actually clean and he had finished his papers two days before they were due. Charles had been giving him weary glances but said nothing. Trapper had never felt better. He was taking control of his life and there was no problem as long as mind was busy.   
Except now he had a problem because he had finished everything that needed to be done in an attempt to avoid thinking about the one thing that he didn’t want to think about. More specifically, who he didn’t want to think about. Hawkeye. Benjamin Franklin Pierce. There was no way that he had a crush on his best friend. No way. For starters, John Francis Xavier McIntyre was a straight man. He was sure of it. At least, he thought he was. He had only ever dated women. He had only ever entertained the idea of dating women.   
Lately, though, he wasn’t so sure he was straight. He thought he was straight. Trapper thought about how his parents, more specifically his father, had reacted when they found out Hawkeye was bisexual. His father had ranted and raved. His father had said terrible things. The thought had crossed his mind that maybe being straight was more of a shield. He didn’t really want it but he needed to protect from his parents.  
So, now he was in a better place to entertain the idea that he might not be straight. He didn’t need a shield to protect him. Well, he might still have the shield but he didn’t always have to be on his guard. He thought about the night that he realized his crush and what had changed within himself since that night. Hawkeye would accidentally brush against him and he would jump as if his friend’s touch was electric. Trapper found that it was harder to concentrate around Hawkeye. His friends would start talking and his mind would drift off and he’d find himself thinking about Hawkeye’s hair or his eyes or his lips and he wondered what it would be like to kiss him. He wanted so badly to go back to that night cuddling with Hawkeye and listening to him talk. He could listen to him talk forever. Hawkeye made everything seem easy and possible even when it wasn’t.   
Trapper shook his head in an attempt to clear his mind. What did it matter if he liked Hawkeye? Was a silly crush worth a whole friendship? He threw on a hoodie and decided to take a walk. Some fresh air would do him some good. He couldn’t be thinking about a relationship. He had only been single for…six weeks. Had it been six weeks already? Breaking up with Louise had hit him hard the first couple of weeks but he had mourned the relationship and moved on. He had no ill-conceived fantasy that they were going to get back together. He didn’t want to get back together with Louise but there was this nagging feeling that he hadn’t been single long enough. It was like he hadn’t filled a quota. He didn’t want to go back but he wasn’t sure he wanted to move forward either.   
Trapper walked outside and the cold air felt good on his skin. He tried to focus on anything than the thoughts that were trying to drown him. He tried to focus on how many people were out tonight but it didn’t matter because they quickly became background noise compared to the thoughts that had crept into his mind.   
His parents were the first to come to his mind. He wondered what was going on at home. If his parents were even talking to each other. He wondered if they really meant all the hurtful things that they had put into the letter or were they just letting off steam? He knew it was more his father than his mother but it hurt all the same. They had all but disowned him because his father didn’t like Hawkeye. Why did he care about his father’s opinion anyway? He put a pin in that thought. He had a feeling he knew the answer and it was too much to sort through tonight.   
The only other thing that plagued him was his feelings for Hawkeye. The feelings that he wasn’t even sure he should have and the insecurities that came with them. What if he told Hawkeye about his feelings and his feelings weren’t reciprocated? Hawkeye probably didn’t like him like that anyway. Who would? Trapper was a mess. Who would love him?   
He was so deep in his thoughts that he almost ran into Margaret. Luckily, he noticed her and stopped.   
“Trapper?” Her voice was full of concern. She didn’t even have to say anything else.   
“I’m fine, Margaret. Really.” He snapped in a voice that even surprised him. She gave him a look that said she didn’t believe him and then brushed away the tears from his eyes. He hadn’t even realized he was crying.  
“How about a drink?” Margaret asked. Trapper nodded and followed her to her dorm. The walk was mostly silent.  
The first thing he noticed was that Peg wasn’t there. Margaret and Peg had been inseparable since Margaret’s breakup with Frank. In fact, Trapper couldn’t remember the last time he had seen them apart. Not that he had really been paying attention to her. Margaret had pulled out two plastic cups and filled them. She handed one to Trapper. He took a sip which caused him to make a face but he continued to drink anyway. They were sitting on the floor with their backs against her bed. She let him take a few sips before she started in on the questions.  
“What’s wrong?” She asked. Her tone was still concerned yet calm.   
“Nothing, I really am fine.” Trapper replied. His tone was strained but it was softer than before.  
“Right, how could I forget that you normally spend Wednesday nights walking around the courtyard and crying?” Trapper laughed and took another sip.  
“Everybody needs a hobby.” She put a hand over his cup before he could take another sip.  
“It’s been six weeks.”   
“I know it’s been six weeks.”   
“C’mon, Trapper! You can’t tell me that this hasn’t affected you!” Her voice was desperate and she was struggling to keep it down. She looked like she might start crying. It was in that moment that he realized that she was just as desperate as he was to talk to someone about this. Who else would understand how much this hurt and simultaneously didn’t hurt? Who else had parents who were as strict as his? Margaret was probably the one person who would understand how he felt.   
So, he took a chance and he opened up. They talked about family and how they grew up. Trapper explained to her that his family was religious and not in a good way. Margaret explained how hard it was to grow up with a military father who wanted a son but got a daughter. They talked for hours about every conversation that hurt. They confided in each other in a way that they hadn’t been able to confide in anyone else.   
When they got to the subject that arguably hurt the worst, Margaret and Trapper were so drunk that they were laughing their woes away.   
“I think I’m a lesbian. My father’s going to kill me.” They both dissolved into a fit of laughter.   
“I’m right there with you…I think I’m bisexual and I’ve been crushing pretty hard on Hawkeye who my dad hates.” Admitting it was like a weight had been lifted off his chest.   
The laughter stopped. There was a moment where the alcohol seemed to burn out and they sat in silence. A wave of sadness and desolation hit the room in waves. The realization and fear of their conversation set in.   
“What do we do?” Trapper whispered. Margaret didn’t hesitate and placed her hand over his. A simple gesture that meant a lot.   
“We tell the truth. We seek support from where we can get it. We take the chance and face the world head on. We can lean on each other even if we have no one else.” Margaret stated and Trapper nodded in solidarity. He pulled his hand away and slung an arm around Margaret.   
“You know, you’re not half bad.” Trapper said and they both started laughing again.


End file.
